Totally Biased Fan Review

Ah, the things we do for our friends. There's no mystery to how Corin ended up in this film. His first tv appearance was on Sidekicks, where he met and became friends with this film's writer, director and star - Ernie Reyes Jr. They also studied together under Manu Tupou at the American Repertory Company.

When Ernie decided to try his hand at screenwriting and developing his own vehicle Corin must have gotten one of those phone calls. The kind that Kevin Smith makes to Ben Affleck everytime he makes a film (I helped you get your start... now you have to be in my movie, asshole).

Occasionally, I have asked myself:  Who amongst the numerous crappy writers littered about Corin's career most needs a stint in screenwriter's rehab? A week ago, I probably would have nominated the guy who wrote Raging Sharks. After viewing The Process, we have a new winner... Ernie Reyes Jr.

Out of respect for their friendship I considered trying to lie about this one. Oh well, I'm just not that good of a liar so I'll make the autopsy on this one short. This movie was so catastrophically bad in parts that I found myself yearning for a Jean Claude Van Damme flick (that's real desperation).

Corin plays Hitler, a cross dressing gang leader who employs a chick in bondage gear as his secretary and a gang of thugs who look like extras from Valley Girl. Ernie is Jesse, a wannabe pimp who rips off some of Hitler's drugs. While fighting a losing battle against the Valley Girl extras, Pinoy comes to Jesse's rescue in a dark alley. Pinoy is some kind of near-mute filipino monk guy who has "The Process." In a bizarre early scene, Ernie Reyes Sr. drinks tea with some lady who looks like Paula Dean and explains what "The Process" is...  some higher spiritual path that will allow you to kick anyone's ass.

After a lot of pointless filler, Hitler's boss (a low-rent Ving Rhames) puts the heat on Hitler to recover the drugs so he shows up at Jesse's with the "Crazy Dragons" and an army of anonymous thugs for the big finale.

The Good:

• Two awesome fight sequences - the one outside of the house and the finale. These feature some superb creative choreography.
• Corin's lacy red underwear - I'm pretty sure this was his first appearance in drag.
• Liked the scene where Pinoy and Jesse beat the crap out of the potbellied white sensei and his wannabe Kobra Kai students.
• Pinoy's awesome Super 70's wardrobe.
• Considering the budget for this flick was probably the limit on Ernie's Visa card, the scene with a literal army of thugs walking down the road to the house was pretty impressive.
• Never fight on an empty stomach.

The Bad:

• Gang members driving around in a Mom-mobile minivan.
• Hitler's gang in general was just retarded.
• If Ernie said "I'm the real Pinoy!" one more time I would have had an aneurysm.

The Ugly

• Rather than delivering a laundry list of all that's horribly wrong with this movie, suffice it to say that The Process makes Mosquito Man look Oscar-worthy.

Recommendation:

Run, run away from this movie... the way I will have to run for my life if I ever encounter Ernie Reyes Jr. after writing this review.